The Self-Discovery and Change

Like I said in the little prequel below, a ton of things have come to mind since I've been home that I'm discovering about myself ever since being out of the house for 8 months, and I just find it fun noticing these changes and opinions formed in so brace yourself for a big long list!: 

1. I deeefinitely prefer the cold and dryness of Utah. And just the beauty of Utah in general. IT'S THE GREATEST. No super gross oily face, no sweating after stepping outside for a minute, jeans all summer if you want, bundling up, B-E-A-utiful, PERFECT spring/fall, lower temperatures at night, mountains, bonfires, rivers to tube down, camping... I still don't understand all the dips in Utah's roads though, so props to flat roads here at home

2. I like the outdoors! At home I'd stay inside all day because it's flippin' hot and there's not much to do unless it's perfect weather and you're pretty good at outdoor sports

3. I still really enjoy sitting down to just simply watch a movie and eat things bad for me with chill people. I just love being able to be with people but not have to be forced to entertain and talk, ya know?

4. I love roadtrips. Being able to listen to music, a book, podcast, or just sleep, journal, drive and collect your thoughts, read, or be productive like you wouldn't have otherwise for hours is just a gift. This is only fun though when you're with people who are cool with you being a loner part of the time to do your own thing, but then open for random deep chats/fun
conversation/story-telling other times (S/O to Abby/Branson/Sarah and Luke/Lars/Meggie/Kendall)

5. Coconut. oil. I can’t say it enough. I’ve been using it as a makeup remover and moisturizer for the past 2ish years and I don’t think I’ll ever go back to store-bought! It seriously saved my skin when I first got up to the dryness of Utah and was breaking out the first little bit. People speculate- well oh, wouldn’t putting OIL on your face make it MORE OILY? no. well maybe a little of the oil makes your skin appear oily at first, but ya gotta wash it off. When I used to just use my clean and clear/biore combo, my face would be soo dried out and get a combination of oily and itchy dry and I would break out and zits would be normal and accepted for me but now, NOT SO! my complexion is more evened out, soft soft skin, and zits never stay (and how good will my skin be in 10 years?!). It naturally prevents and heals. ANYWAYS, there are a billion and a half articles and people blogging about the remedies and uses of coconut oil so I won’t go further. just do it.

6. Sometimes ya gotta put some color on your lips because you’re a girl and you can do that. that’s the nice thing about college. You’re an adult now. And people aren’t going to judge you for being a little more fun with your makeup and clothes and such because you’re adults! So rock that “listick” as MirandaSings says, because girl, you worth it.

7. Smoothies. When I got up there, started buying my own groceries, and realizing how much BYU Creamery ice-cream is apart of the social (and not-so-social) scene, I realized the importance of staying at least a little up on my game health-wise. I heard about healthy green smoothies for forever but it wasn’t until I would get super hungry during my long days on campus and developed a relationship with the LSB vending machines that I saw the importance of having a filling, healthy breakfast. But no time (I mean because I like sleep)! So SMOOTHIES then became my best friend. Every morning I’d whip up one with any combination of- frozen tropical fruit, low fat vanilla yogurt, quick oats, spinach, orange juice, milk, apple juice concentrate, etc. I’m sure the ingredients could’ve been healthier, but #collegebudgetprobs and #it’sgoodenough. :) I was more awake, filled, energized, and less tempted to buy that ice-cream and it was a good change to start my morning with green smoothies, so I definitely recommend the practice to anyone!

8. I’ve identified several weaknesses in myself that have really helped me chip away that “natural wo-man”. It’s super hard. Like very. Finding my weaknesses day after day really degraded me at times because of feeling like a complete failure at “perfecting” myself. But I believe it’s way more useful to be aware of your weaknesses and work on them rather than just trying to overall improve yourself all the time because really, you’re just going to pretty much stay where you’re at if you don’t spot-treat. Reading “Believing in Christ” since I’ve been home, I’ve more fully understood the atonement and Christ’s role in our journeys to perfection. It is absolutely and only through HIM that we can ever become “perfect” because when we give him our all (which, in reality, is and always will be imperfect), seeking after righteousness, He allows us to use His perfection through His mercy. He loves us so much! And as long as we’re not trying to do this life alone and we become one with Him, He will always fill in the gap. Now I’m still learning and trying to understand everything about Christ/repentance/trials/etc, but I know He is there. I know He lives! And I KNOW we can return to Him when we use the wonderful gift of His atonement constantly.

9. Being away from the comfort of people who love me unconditionally, I realized how hard it is to live with people! Don’t get me wrong, I was extremely blessed to have had sweet, beautiful, talented, hilarious, heart-warming girls to live with! No drama with anyone ever, like everything was awesome and I absolutely knew I was meant to be with every one of those girls, soo I knew from the get-go that it was me. I like my space! I like silence. I like being able to blast music ranging from my boy-band throwbacks to hannah montana to classical, indie, PTX, acoustic feels music,  vocal point.... taking showers at 3 in the morning, leaving my room a mess after waking up late and having clothes everywhere, not having to mark food, etc etc etc.... Why was it so hard? Because it was all in my head! It was my internal attitude not aligning with my external happiness. I needed to get over myself and learn to alllways truly enjoy and thrive with the people around me, for what a better time to have fun but this time in your life when you have at least 5 cool girls your age to party with? Next time around I may not be as lucky to get great girls as similar to me, but I will surely appreciate the experience more fully because people aren’t bad! they’re blessings. and it’s up to you how you see the glass (full or empty)!

10. Because I’m not always always the most positive person in the world, I've realized I appreciate the cheerful, high-on-life, joyful people the most. I’m happiest when the people around me can just enjoy life together being HAPPY! Now I don’t mean always bouncing off the walls crazy, but that bigger introverted part of me that reenergizes having alone-time and enjoys “just chillin” and that calm kinda happiness that includes being content with not doing crazy things (although I’ve seen I like adventures more than I did before I came up for college). I like sparkly people. It’s a little hard to pin-point “the sparkle” that I love, but I know it’s just includes that positive aura that’s happy, fun, chill, loving, kind-hearted, and friendly to all. I aspire to have “the sparkle” because of my great appreciation for those “breath-of-fresh-air” people! So yes! Let us all strive to be more sparkly because they’re just the bomb.

11. Prayer is big.  I first truly understood the importance of asking for and receiving answers through prayer about my second month into it. I’d had my own plan for the longest time of how I thought my life would go for the next 5 years, and there was a point where I had to make some potentially life-changing decisions pretty quickly. I’d ALWAYS gone to my parents for help because of how much I trusted their judgement and for one of the first times in my life, they left it up to me, and told me that it’s all between me and the Lord. WHAT?! Ha, I had to be an adult now? I started to pray and pray more seeking more and more guidance for my life and things looked up. I humbled myself to the Lord’s will and everything just fell into place. This is what happens when you seek the Lord’s will in all things. He WILL answer. Even though it takes time, patience, some confusion sometimes.... it’s the only way we should ever do it!

12. WORKIN’ OUT. For an Exercise and Wellness major, I sure did not do my part lol... I took volleyball winter semester which was awesome because well I LOVE IT l and that’s the only sport I’m good at, but spring term came around and I knew I needed something more! So I signed up for cycling. Ha the first day our teacher told us that he’s the toughest out of all the indoor cycling teachers so um THAT was exciting!? But I can tell you, it wasn’t bad! First of all, you can seriously go at your own pace and do your own thing. And second, my teacher was super duper cool. He was upbeat, funny, and also a DJ on the side so you can imagine we had some pretty awesome music to get us going. Different themes each day, workouts, etc... And I started my day that way! It felt super good to get in a good workout and be graded for it! Unfortunately I had one too many tardies so I automatically failed (DANGIT THOSE TWO MINUTES!), but no worries, I made it up with another volleyball class the next term haha. But hey, needless to say, endorphins make people happy, and that was a very happy term!

13. Study groups totally made my experience in a couple of my classes. Anatomy was super hard, and I definitely would not have made it without the help of some very diligent classmates and very nice brother (love you Michael). I ended up seriously enjoying it so much because of how much fun we had making up crazy scenarios to memorize things and how cool it ended up being when we really put our everything into it with each other’s help. And Book of Mormon 2 was BOM (pun intended) because of an amazing teacher and amazing study group. S/O to Shane and Jordan for their wonderfully sparkly selves who taught me so much about the gospel and also the gift of friendship! something about a consistent hour each day to learn the gospel to and learn about each other really contributed to how great the term was. And not to mention they’re BOTH engaged now! Sooo very happy for some well-deserving guys and cute girls!

14. Mom is basically always right.

15. Reading is good for the soul

16. I still don’t wear my retainers enough but somehow they still fit

17. I still don’t eat graciously like an adult should. I’ll work on it.

18. I’m so bad at keeping in contact with people! Sorry to anyone who feels neglected, I promise it’s not personal.

19. Gilmore Girls was my home away from home.

20. Sweet/salty is the best combination. BBQ pork? Salted Caramel? and everything else. It’s the best.

21. Jandals are my fave. Also because my target sandals from middle school are all dead now. I know everyone and their mother has them but THEY’RE SO COMFY and I love them

22. Sleep is always good. Sam wrote me that at the beginning of his mission and I’m dang-well believing him. I can’t tell you how many things I could’ve done better if I had just went to bed earlier and not been tired and moody.

23. Service is always good. Forget yourself and go to werk.

24. I always missed 3 things being up at college: children, animals, and the elderly.

25. That Starbucks butterbeer-ish frap always had my back  ;D
Vanilla bean frap (no coffee in it, promise)
add: cinnamon dulce
hazelnut pumps
toffe-nut pumps
and caramel drizzle allll over.

I promise you it’s heaven in a cup. I PROMISE. GO GET IT. and I’m sorry in advance for your addiction.

26. Chick-Fil-A is still life. There was never a time I went there with people and we did not have a wonderful time. Netflix&Chill? NAA more life CFA and chill. Talk about life, enjoy the wilk, sauce dripping from your hand, the lemonade, and fat!!! Thank goodness I’m back working there (and working out) now because it’s just good stuff.

27. I ENJOY sports, can you believe it? Before BYU, I had no care in the world about watching them, but I can now say I will sit down and watch a BYU-anything game. Being in the crowds with the hype and love I have for my school, you just can’t resist it. (especially with a win like BYU’s yesterday ;)

28. Lastly, I still love my homies. Some of us coming to college together was going to be different! Like we live a floor or building away and we’ve been friends for forever, what do we do with a billion other cool people around us that we want to meet? We were determined to branch out and meet new people but still love each other and I’m happy to report that we made it! I actually drew more to my homies way more than I thought I would, and our friendships have only grown deeper and deeper no matter how much or little time we spent with each other. And same goes for our homies serving missions! The emails, letters, packages, etc have kept us all tight and I appreciate the long-lasting friendships more than they’ll ever know.

So long story short, I learned a hecka lot! Having to decide what I believe beyond the walls of my own home, I still love the gospel so so much and have found it to be true on my own! Having to make huge decisions, relying on prayer, little heartbreaks... there’s no way it was always easy. Yes it’s been lonely at and yeah you cry a lot for no reason sometimes, but there’s been an immense amount of learning, way more adventures and fun than I expected, and whole lotta love from SO many wonderful people. Thank you to the amazing wards, roommates, classes, callings, and adventures. It was the dream! “Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve.” See ya in 2017 BYU!