Life and lessons with Tswiz

What’s been up with me since I’ve been off the radar as far as writing out my feelings goes? Well- Work. Finishing up mission shopping. Appointments. Catching up with old friends. Family. Pretending I’m a Collin student again, using their study rooms to GET DOWN TO BIDNESS (Studying the PMG lessons are coming along!) Seeing the BOM come together as I’ve reached the half-way point, trying to live more and more clean (missionary lifestyle)...and also trying to make some dang fun memories hahaa. Well, I’ve sure accomplished the fun part as I’ve had my birthday spent with my fun family downtown, then with my second fam the Allreds who treated me more than anyone has before- TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT TICKETS! See, this is how it went- Taylor Swift is my favorite artist and has been since the time when the Cheetah Girls could’ve been my favorite...long time. So when I saw someone got tickets while they were on sale last year and I knew this would be the day after my 19th birthday, when most of my friends would be on their missions, I’d be working, I could get myself there if I needed to, and I wanted to be there. So who else would love Tswiz herself and want to be asked to go at like 1 in the morning? Well the Allred family of course since theirs is the home that never sleeps (maybe less true now that Sam’s gone;). I call up Allie-Meg herself and ask if she and anyone wants to come with me! Well, she became Make-A-Wish Foundation right there as she claimed that they would take matters into their own hands and grant me my pre-mission wish. Not going to lie, I doubted it would actually happen because tickets are hard to get and it was somewhat impractical to have all of us go and I was OKAY with that, nbd, we tried, but nevertheless we were brought forth into the concert of our dreams. On the floor. Like Taylor was standing on her rotating catwalk thing straight above my head, I almost cried. With the greatness of her performing, her incredibly gorgeous, genuine, frequent smile, throwback songs, Tswift Trivia, guest star THE BEEEEEEAUTIFULLLLLL Ellie Goulding, Vance Joy, Shawn Mendes, food, fun, etc., the most profound part was her own take on what being “clean” is, and I can’t help but share the awesome message she left us with:

As opposed to her Clean speech at other concerts, she emphasized how our (60,000 strong) lit-up wrist bands showed her the generosity of this crowd, seeing the energy of every individual; their dancing, their listening, their "vulnerable, beautiful, open-hearted" way to be at a concert, which was a really interesting point that I didn’t realize.. that this wasn’t just enjoyable for me, but strengthening to her.  And she goes on to talk about the pictures and posts we’ll have and the insensitive comments we may get sometimes... how "the saddest thing about 2015 is that someone can ruin you day and not have to watch your face after they say it.” I love these:

"#1: Let me tell you what you are not. You are not the opinion of someone that doesn't know you. (CROWD GOES WILD)

#2 Being cool does not mean acting bored, unmoved, and unexcited about your life, that’s not what being cool is.  (YAAAAAS)

#3 What’s even better than being cool, is being happy. The moment you can take what people say to you, and block it out, walk your own footsteps, pave your own path, decide your own definition of cool and happy, is the moment that all the mud people try to throw at you is gone and in that moment, you’re CLEAN.”  (AHHHHHH) And she sings her special song “Clean”. 

I like how she strengthened SO many of her fans against the negative, and for me that wasn’t a another person, but myself (or the Satan inside of me)! How many minutes a day am I convinced that I am not this and not that, and that I AM these bad things I define myself by when I make some imperfect acts here and there? WAY TOO MANY. And that distracts. That distracts me from all of the things I AM while I’m not being so hard on myself. That distracts me from the spirit. That distracts me from "see[ing] [myself] as the Father sees [me]- glorious, eternal, capable of infinite love, worthy of his infinite love... Part of our spiritual independence is simply shaking off wrongful messages about who we are." <-- from the book I'm loving now called "Lighten Up!"  

Back to wise words and impressions from my girl Taylor, it was when she said this that I felt ‘clean’: “Don’t let this pass you by, enjoy this. I think they meant that when you’re happy, you need to notice it and you need to realize it, and diagnose in that moment that right then, ‘I’m HAPPY.' 

As I'm down to the last month before I leave on my mission, I'm seeing my worries and feelings on inadequacy leave, and just pure excitement coming. I want to be out there! But for now, I'm going to enjoy this.

She said to "pave your own path and decide your definition of cool and happiness." Well this is mine: Spontaneity, giggles, scream-singing lyrics I've known since before my favorite lady was this big to her newest crazy good stuff, not being able to dance but doing it anyway, racing through crowds, seeing my small and big dreams coming true, and most importantly feeling completely at-ease with my life and where I'm going. 19 years alive, 19 months until I will call myself a returned missionary, 19bajillion reasons to be happy, #1989worldtour